I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
