Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
