You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
