i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
