Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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