you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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