We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
