I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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