His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
