Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
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