ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
