before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
