Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if only i could text you this smell
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
