Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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