there's paper in my vomit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
