how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
