Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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