i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
