i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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