Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
