I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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