Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
No subtext here. People are naked.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
