sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
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My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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