Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
