i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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