Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
