My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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