Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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