I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
