positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
