I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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