thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
