Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
