oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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