guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
