I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
