i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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