when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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