By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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