well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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