he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
