why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize