Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't think brook has ever known best
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
