So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
