Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
