I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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