dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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