If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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