you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Randomize
