idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
