when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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