I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
