We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
