Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
