Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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