he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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