Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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