So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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