god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
