I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
