i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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