I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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