Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
