Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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