I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
