I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Less talking, more tequila
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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