the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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