How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
