We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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