so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
