never play flip cup with pint glasses
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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