This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
