At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
