Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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