I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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