All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
