What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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