No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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