i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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