so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
